Challenges
Jun. 14th, 2020 08:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mishadayMom has had short term memory issues for years now, and it makes things difficult, sometimes in unforseen ways. I've gotten used to phone calls with her where she would tell the same story 3-6 times over the course of a conversation. She doesn't remember the health incident that had me driving 1400+ miles to stay here for an undetermined amount of time. (We've since determined: July 3rd will give me a good long weekend to get back.)
When I got here, we cleared off her desk in the sunroom so I could set up my laptop and a single external monitor I'd hauled down here. It's fairly close to their bedroom and the little half-bath she favors. Only, it's her desk, so not only was there the daily 'why is she at MY desk?" there soon became the 'when is she leaving?' every morning first thing. Friday was the third - and I can only call it a tantrum - in a row, where she marched (as much as one can march with a walker) up to Dad to demand when I was going. I figured that my morning stand-up so close to her room was upsetting her, so I moved.
I've been helping clean up in the back room next to the guest room, so I finished clearing the one desk, hauled my setup back there and finished the work day in there. It hurts a little to feel unwanted, but it's rather ameliorated by Dad's appreciation and the realization that Mom doesn't really know better, especially first thing. Later that day she came found me and was almost in tears because she didn't want me to feel unloved.
It's a little bit of a throwback to my 20's - I'd moved out of Georgia and back in with my parents, and basically took over two rooms for myself - one bedroom and one work room. The same thing is happening now. I even have two cats with me!
The long term plan is for my parents to move to a smaller, more affordable place. The house they've been in for a decade-ish is really too big to upkeep for them, and renting would not only be cheaper than their mortgage, but someone else would have to worry about the hole in the ceiling (the roof leaked, it got fixed, but they never closed up the drywall. Ugh.) Mom's artistic endeavors have narrowed down to coloring books, so there's piles of watercolor paints, knitting yarn, fimo clay and beading gear that need packing and purging, not to mention the books.
The complication is of course, that Mom thinks she'll get back to some of it. She has agreed to the move, so if things get boxed up under her supervision, well... Dad and I have agreed that she won't remember them after the move. I'm mostly trying to find good homes rather than simply throw things away, and that can be difficult with many places closed. I'm calling dibs on much of the beading, but everything else is up for grabs.
The successes include Dad's willingness to let me dig into their financials and help pack and clean. I've been working up a budget for them, to show him why they need to move, and he's been very open about his situation (which has NOT always been the case) and overtly appreciative of my assistance.
As much as I worry about Mom, I also feel like Dad is doing well. He's walking regularly, is very alert mentally. He's even lost some weight, which is looking good on him. He has some hearing loss, which his father had done, but it's such a relief not to have to fight him to wear the hearing aid like we did my grandfather.
When I got here, we cleared off her desk in the sunroom so I could set up my laptop and a single external monitor I'd hauled down here. It's fairly close to their bedroom and the little half-bath she favors. Only, it's her desk, so not only was there the daily 'why is she at MY desk?" there soon became the 'when is she leaving?' every morning first thing. Friday was the third - and I can only call it a tantrum - in a row, where she marched (as much as one can march with a walker) up to Dad to demand when I was going. I figured that my morning stand-up so close to her room was upsetting her, so I moved.
I've been helping clean up in the back room next to the guest room, so I finished clearing the one desk, hauled my setup back there and finished the work day in there. It hurts a little to feel unwanted, but it's rather ameliorated by Dad's appreciation and the realization that Mom doesn't really know better, especially first thing. Later that day she came found me and was almost in tears because she didn't want me to feel unloved.
It's a little bit of a throwback to my 20's - I'd moved out of Georgia and back in with my parents, and basically took over two rooms for myself - one bedroom and one work room. The same thing is happening now. I even have two cats with me!
The long term plan is for my parents to move to a smaller, more affordable place. The house they've been in for a decade-ish is really too big to upkeep for them, and renting would not only be cheaper than their mortgage, but someone else would have to worry about the hole in the ceiling (the roof leaked, it got fixed, but they never closed up the drywall. Ugh.) Mom's artistic endeavors have narrowed down to coloring books, so there's piles of watercolor paints, knitting yarn, fimo clay and beading gear that need packing and purging, not to mention the books.
The complication is of course, that Mom thinks she'll get back to some of it. She has agreed to the move, so if things get boxed up under her supervision, well... Dad and I have agreed that she won't remember them after the move. I'm mostly trying to find good homes rather than simply throw things away, and that can be difficult with many places closed. I'm calling dibs on much of the beading, but everything else is up for grabs.
The successes include Dad's willingness to let me dig into their financials and help pack and clean. I've been working up a budget for them, to show him why they need to move, and he's been very open about his situation (which has NOT always been the case) and overtly appreciative of my assistance.
As much as I worry about Mom, I also feel like Dad is doing well. He's walking regularly, is very alert mentally. He's even lost some weight, which is looking good on him. He has some hearing loss, which his father had done, but it's such a relief not to have to fight him to wear the hearing aid like we did my grandfather.
no subject
Date: 2020-06-14 05:36 pm (UTC)As for places to recycle/donate/haul stuff away - may I recommend calling/researching to see if one of the local charities has a truck they are willing to send out to do pickups? I know Goodwill is open again to take donations, and if nothing else, 1-800-GOT-JUNK is the expensive but easy way to get rid of stuff (they'll donate what they can't toss).
If there's anything I can do from here besides send you support and offers to send you distractions (like the Translate Fails channel on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCP2-S6-M9ZvlY8t7cRn4O6A), please let me know.
no subject
Date: 2020-06-15 12:14 am (UTC)I do appreciate every note of moral (immoral? ;) support! /hugs
no subject
Date: 2020-06-15 01:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-06-14 06:09 pm (UTC)good luck with assisting on the downsizing/move - I agree that once the crafting supplies are boxed up they'll probably not be remembered. hopefully they can be donated instead of being tossed
it's a good thing you have a target departure date - it'll be nice to get back to your own life again
no subject
Date: 2020-06-15 12:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-06-15 03:49 am (UTC)