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Navel Gazing
Jul. 12th, 2006 05:06 pmDepression sucks.
I'm a bit rudderless right now - I've pretty much given up on being able to afford a house in Seattle, and that's a big thing for me. I'm yearning for my own yard with lawn and vegetable garden and chickens, an almost rural sense of home. God, at the very least, a separate room for all my books. When the Austin thing fell through, it was as much a letdown from losing the hope of an affordable home as being disappointed over not getting what seemed to be an ideal job.
Jobwise, I'm fine, I'm in a good place, but the home thing rankles.
And I'm realizing I'm not doing things that make me happy. I'm not a fan of club dancing, because it's always late, the music's too loud, and I'm there to dance, not get hit on. But I want to have music that'll make me move. And I want to go horseback riding and canoeing and those sorts of things more than once a year.
Finances-wise, it's a crunch. I'd just about justified to myself the purchase of a car, and had settled on a 98 or 99 Subaru Forester, when I got the notice that our condo association is levying a special assessment to the tune of 2.5K. Bleah. And then my iPod broke; I think the hard drive went kaput. So I need to juggle all those things.
And on top of that, I couldn't get a ride down to Burien for G&P's BBQ Sunday, which sent me into a last minute funk and crying jag, and I ended up borrowing my brother's car and being an hour late.
Monday was icky - I had a headache off and on all morning, which lent verisimilitude for taking a Mental Health day on Tuesday. In addition to leveling my paladin (now at 54), I got my hands on Diablo 2 and poked my way through the first two missions. An Amazon character named Librarian, natch.
Today's much better - I'm in a better, more productive mood, I've indulged myself with Memory and Paladin of Souls, and I'm looking forward to playing road crew for Dru in the STP bike race this weekend. 10 hours in Portland? Mmmm. Powell's...
I'm a bit rudderless right now - I've pretty much given up on being able to afford a house in Seattle, and that's a big thing for me. I'm yearning for my own yard with lawn and vegetable garden and chickens, an almost rural sense of home. God, at the very least, a separate room for all my books. When the Austin thing fell through, it was as much a letdown from losing the hope of an affordable home as being disappointed over not getting what seemed to be an ideal job.
Jobwise, I'm fine, I'm in a good place, but the home thing rankles.
And I'm realizing I'm not doing things that make me happy. I'm not a fan of club dancing, because it's always late, the music's too loud, and I'm there to dance, not get hit on. But I want to have music that'll make me move. And I want to go horseback riding and canoeing and those sorts of things more than once a year.
Finances-wise, it's a crunch. I'd just about justified to myself the purchase of a car, and had settled on a 98 or 99 Subaru Forester, when I got the notice that our condo association is levying a special assessment to the tune of 2.5K. Bleah. And then my iPod broke; I think the hard drive went kaput. So I need to juggle all those things.
And on top of that, I couldn't get a ride down to Burien for G&P's BBQ Sunday, which sent me into a last minute funk and crying jag, and I ended up borrowing my brother's car and being an hour late.
Monday was icky - I had a headache off and on all morning, which lent verisimilitude for taking a Mental Health day on Tuesday. In addition to leveling my paladin (now at 54), I got my hands on Diablo 2 and poked my way through the first two missions. An Amazon character named Librarian, natch.
Today's much better - I'm in a better, more productive mood, I've indulged myself with Memory and Paladin of Souls, and I'm looking forward to playing road crew for Dru in the STP bike race this weekend. 10 hours in Portland? Mmmm. Powell's...
